So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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