Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
