he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
