I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
