this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
