Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
