If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
