Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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