you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Porn is love you can see.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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