Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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