we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
