Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize