if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We are all done wearing pants today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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