She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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