The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
