sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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