woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
