May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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