That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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