Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He felt like a one man threesome
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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