I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
