Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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