remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
