If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
