there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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