sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
