I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my sisters under your porch take her home
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
