phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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