apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize