you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
