Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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