You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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