So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
