I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
