I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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