Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
