Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He passed out mid-signature
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
