Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize