I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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