I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
