I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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