The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
