he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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