i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
