its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
