I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
