Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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