some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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