my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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