I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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