My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
