i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
