Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
