She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize