I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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