i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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