Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
