Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
