my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
