Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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