Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
