Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize