Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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